For the love of food
Suhuyini Abudulai closely follows the recipe on her iPad. Brock Wilimek, her partner, is on bartender duty tonight. A checklist of ingredients is scatted amongst fruit and vegetables. Their kitchen is mixture of “controlled chaos” and cutting boards. Background music sets the mood for their ‘travels’.
The couple spend most Friday nights ‘travelling’ around the world through food. The pair has cooked dishes from over 18 countries. Their culinary journey started with tacos from Mexico and has gone on to include jerk chicken from Jamaica and chilli crab from Singapore.
“We love that in Toronto you can experience [the] feeling of going somewhere completely different in the world yet you’re still in Toronto because of all the choices in cuisine,” Wilimek says.
Dr. Maryanne Fisher has studied the relationship between love and food. She co-authored the Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Chemistry of Love with Andrea Bradford, Ph.D. They wrote a chapter focusing on love, sex and food. Her research was also featured in Time Magazine and Psychology Today.
Fisher says cooking is beautiful shared activity where couples can use food to communicate. She says for two people in a busy household, one partner preparing a meal for the other communicates that they are a priority despite their schedule.
The newly engaged couple met four and a half years ago on eHarmony. Ironically, their first date didn’t include food.
Photo courtesy of Suhuyini Abudulai
“[We] just wanted drinks, but we’ve been eating our way through our relationship ever since,” Wilimek says.
Abudulai recently made partner at her law firm. She jokes that when she’s not working on consumer finance protection or thinking about Wilimek, she’s contemplating her next meal. Wilimek is a financial planner who sometimes skips meals. Abudulai doesn’t understand this.
“I’m always thinking about food… I don’t know how that’s possible. I never miss a meal,” Abudulai says.
Fisher says a busy schedule came be “a real pressure cooker” for a relationship.
“[With food] I’ve communicated to you that I still consider us or our time together important but today was like this for me. So without saying anything, you’ve communicated a whole lot,” Fisher says.
Despite their busy schedules, Abudulai and Wilimek try to make cooking together a priority. They think cooking together has improved their communication skills. Wilimek says he is Abudulai’s “calming force.” Abudulai and Wilimek think they work well as a team which translates well in the kitchen.
“Maybe I’m feeling stressed and I’m trying a new dish and I want it to turn out the way I saw it on a video or picture…. I’m running around and at times I can be short and it’s how [Wilimek] responds to me which doesn’t make the situation escalate,” Abudulai says.
Fisher says as a romantic relationships progresses, the “rose-colored glasses” of lust come off and people fall into the habits of their past.
“As the relationship matures, especially if you start cohabiting… You get the chicken fingers instead of the elaborate meal. You get the reality… that time is precious and you don’t have a lot of it to invest in cooking,” Fisher says.
Abudulai thinks growing up with the tradition of cooking with her family has positively influenced her food habits with Wilimek.
“Cooking food, eating food is a very integral part of me and how I came up with… It’s a habit and that’s how I was raised so it won’t go away,” Abudulai says.
Abudulai and Wilimek think spending hours together in the kitchen is a great way to create memories. They hope to continue the tradition of “eating around the world” when they have children.
“There’s something about… everybody together: washing, peeling, chopping, sautéing [and] cooking. There’s really a good feeling about that; sitting down together an enjoying the meal,” Abudulai says.
Abudulai and Wilimek say Toronto has a taste of the world at each street corner; whether it’s through speciality grocery stores or trying food outside of your comfort zone. Abudulai encourages couples to explore food in their relationships.
“There’s more… than just going out to eat at the same place you always eat at or eating out period.Cooking at home saves more," she says.
" You can recreate a lot of these fantastic dishes you eat outside and you don’t have to spend a lot of money doing [it]."
